


Breaking from within.

by greengoddess3



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Parenting, Childhood Trauma, Confused Magnus Bane, Developing Friendships, Insecure Magnus Bane, M/M, Magnus Bane-centric, Pining Alec Lightwood
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-12 15:22:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28637700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greengoddess3/pseuds/greengoddess3
Summary: It wasn't the life that Magnus had thought he would end up living. He was just doing what he thought was right. Now though, he couldn't take it anymore, he needed to free himself from the torment of being someone he wasn't. He needed to break free and feel alive again.He was about to learn that the freedom he was searching for could be found in the most unlikely of places. Maybe his heart would find solace too.One impromptu chance meeting can truly change it all.A fic about life changing decisions and importance of being true to you. (and some Malec love of course)
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 10
Kudos: 21





	1. Anomaly.

It wasn’t everyday that Magnus had outlandish ideas. Many people that he went to high school with would describe him as the one with all the excitement and none of the foresight to see things through. He was vibrant, full of life and played no attention to what anyone thought. Which made no sense when you considered his current career and trajectory in life. One that his friends constantly questioned the purpose of in relation to his true self. The fact that he was once one of the most outgoing and spontaneous people just didn’t match the monotony of his 9-5 life in the financial sector. 

It wasn’t something that Magnus tried to think of often. He knew that there was more out there for him but didn’t understand why people would try to change something that didn’t need fixing. His life was working out perfectly well. He had just been given an opportunity to work at the new offices of his father’s company in Vancouver, was awarded a beautiful loft downtown and had an amazing group of friends in New York that supported him through it all. Although he was new to the city he knew that with his structured way of thinking he would quickly get into the flow of this welcomed change. His new life would surely make him forget about that unsettling feeling he had whenever he thought about the last few months in New York. He had everything he needed right now, he just wanted to be grateful for what he had.

It had only been a few months but the cultural differences between Vancouver and Brooklyn were really starting to take its toll. New York was a place that never slept. Something was always happening. If he was being honest, he couldn’t deny how much the slower place of Vancouver had brought his suppressed anxieties to the forefront of his mind. Not being able to constantly keep his mind occupied with constant outings and social events had made him start to feel uninspired in life and completely isolated from the world he knew. 

It hadn’t been easy for him to leave his friends, Catarina had looked at him with such sympathy as he packed his bags. She knew of the world he was leaving behind, a father who constantly brought him down and a company that had taken so much from him. Leaving his father’s command was one of the hardest things he had done, the constant feeling of shame and guilt of not following in the family name. Of failing his father’s pain and not upholding the ‘Bane’ title. He just wanted to make his father proud, a motivation that had pushed him through even the most complex of clients. He knew though that he couldn’t pretend that the many sleepless nights hadn’t taken their toll. It was one thing to recognise a problem in your life, to see your unhappiness in the most mundane of tasks. It was another to recognise how much you would lose by acting upon it all. 

Eventually it all became too much and he just needed to get out.

He had taken Cat’s advice and decided that it was time to take this new opportunity and make it work for him. It was hard being alone in a new city but Magnus Bane was strong willed and hard headed, he could overcome anything. 

Magnus knew that he needed to overcome this feeling and get back into the swing of social activities. He didn’t have any non-work related ‘friends’ in the city but he was determined to get out there and try something new. 

No one knew him here, what did he really have to lose?

A chance advertisement on Instagram had him throwing caution to the wind and signing up for a pottery class in his local area. It seemed so farfetched for the normally single-minded business man to be engaging in creative activities. The wound of his young adulthood ensuring that he never ventured outside of the lines carefully laid by his father.

Which is how he found himself with his hands deep in modelling clay as he watched his insanely attractive instructor explaining the basics of sculpting your own ceramics. 

Magnus wouldn’t deny that he was deeply enthralled by the hazel eyed beauty. The man surely had to be a gift from the heavens. He was unfairly attractive, attentive and portrayed an appreciation for sculpture, ceramics and art that was utterly intriguing to Magnus. He seemed reserved, but not in a way of being shy, rather a quiet confidence which drew you in, making you feel comfortable in even the most unnerving of circumstances. It made him feel at ease, to know that following his curiosity would not be met with ridicule and judgment. 

It wasn’t something he would ever think to draw him in, the mess of hands on artistic pursuits just wasn’t his thing anymore. The Magnus of his teens would jump at a chance to express himself freely, the Magnus of now was still trying to learn that it was okay to be himself.

There was something however about his instructor, Alec, that made him want to take a chance. That child like shimmer in his eyes was just profoundly engaging. He had only been coming to this class for the past two weeks but something about it had made him feel a feeling he had long since forgotten.

‘Everything okay over here?’

Snapping out of his daydreams Magnus’ eyes shifted to the figure looming over him. He took in the amused expression of the instructor’s face as Alec chuckled at his innocence.

‘Oh everything is fine, just considering a muse for my piece’. Magnus replied, smiling gently as the man held his gaze before grabbing a stool and sitting down next to Magnus. It wasn’t that he was nervous but there was something beautifully unsettling about having Alec so close to him. It made him feel so calm but yet like there were a thousand doves taken flight within. 

Shaking his head with a friendly smile, Magnus turned to face his instructor, wanting a chance to admire those intriguing eyes once more.

‘How about we start with the basics and see where it takes us?’ Alec suggested, shifting the tools closer to him.

The use of the word ‘us’ had Magnus relaxing subtly. The way Alec spoke was just so soothing, his pleasant and cool tone wrapping around Magnus like a blanket. 

He didn’t realise that he had even been holding his breath until he felt the a soft ball of earthen clay being placed into his hand. Something about it helped to diffuse the nerves pooling in his gut that he had been ignoring all week. He just didn’t want to make a fool of himself but also couldn’t deny the need to try something new.

With a quick glance in Alec’s direction Magnus cupped his hands around the outside of the ball of clay, getting a feel for the smoothness of the outer edges. The sensation was instantly calming, he didn’t even care how dirty his fingernails would be after, it made him relax in ways he had never thought he could. For a second he forgot where he was and just concentrated on the feeling of the clay, the way he moved it slowly in his palms as it was imprinted with the indents of his fingers. For some reason, this moment here felt so profound, more than he could ever understand.

He didn’t even notice the soft smile on Alec’s face or the way he chuckled softly before moving to help other students. Eyes never quite straying from him as Magnus was lost in his own creative world.

The mindless chatter around him was drowned out as he began to use the tools in front of him to create his piece of work. He didn’t really know what to create, the first week of class had been more about ‘improvisation as a form of unlocking your creative potential’. Of ‘trusting your gut’ and ‘allowing your intuitive voice to lead you forward’. The way Alec had so eloquently spoken those words was like a poetry in motion, a kind of enlightenment he hadn’t ever fully experienced. 

The words alone were enough to have a small burst of excitement thrumming beneath his skin. 

Crafting a bowl seemed too simple for him but it was one of the only things he could think to be useful. It had been a long time since he had used his hands in any sort of creative work and it didn’t feel as effortless as it once did.

He was so enmeshed in his handiwork that he didn’t hear the telltale signs of the class wrapping up around him. It wasn’t until he felt a gentle brush against his shoulder that he was snapped out of his stupor so quickly.

Looking around he realised that many of the other students were filing out of the classroom. He quickly began to pack up, not waiting to hold Alec back.

’Hey Magnus, no rush, take your time.’

The gentle tone of Alec’s reassurance caught him off guard. He was so used to being scolded for focusing his attention on his artwork when he was younger and not enough on studying to become his father’s protege. It was one of the things he tried to block out the most in his life, how lost he felt in the rigidness of the corporate world.

Nodding his head as he moved his bowl to the drying counter, he washed the dirt from his hands promising himself to deep clean under his fingernails when he got him. Packing his bag, he gave a small nod to his instructor, muttering a small ‘thanks’ before smiling and making his way home.

Completely lost in this new feeling of lightness he didn’t notice the pair of curious hazel eyes that followed his departure as he left the classroom.

________________________________

The following week had him eager to join his class again. Alec had promised that in the next weeks they would begin to bring colour to their work, exploring the use of ceramic paints to bring their ceramics to life. He had had a stressful week at work wrapping up last minute clients and dealing with his father’s second in command. He couldn’t wait to get his hands on the clay again and just get lost in the spontaneity of the three hours he had put aside for his class.

Peering through the window of the classroom door, he frowned as he noticed the distinct lack of students in the classroom. His eyes caught on a figure leading against the desk, their back to Magnus as they gesturing widely whilst speaking on the phone. The figure turned around, almost by instinct and Magnus waved shyly as he saw Alec’s eyes widen, a bashful smile on his face that didn’t quite meet his eyes. He watched as Alec promptly hung up the phone before unlocking the door and ushering Magnus in.

Magnus didn’t realise how tall the man was until he was standing within arms reach of him, peering into those fascinating eyes. Sure he had checked Alec out before, more times than he can count, but he was usually so distracted by everything that was happening in class that he never actually properly looked at him. His physically beauty was unmatched, the man belonged on the cover of every fashion magazine that ever existed. There was something else though that Magnus couldn’t quite put his finger on. Something more intimate and beyond the natural ability of the eye. Something he couldn’t quite shake off.

They stood staring at each other for more time than was usually acceptable between strangers before Alec broke the silence, ‘Uh, Magnus, what are you doing here?’

Magnus froze, frowning as he tilted his head, mentally thinking back to ensure he hadn’t gotten the days mixed up.

‘I’m here for the class?’ he replied, the confusion evident in his tone.

Alec studied him for a moment, blinking slowly before directing him to take a seat.

Alec stood in front of him, hands behind his back as Magnus began to prepare for the lesson. Realising that Alec had not moved from his spot, Magnus smiled at him, wondering why Alec was acting so strange.

Suddenly Alec spoke, ’I’m sorry, I thought you got the message that there’s no class today? It’s a long weekend and we…’.

Realising his error in his haste to fulfil his weekend commitment, Magnus quickly rose from his seat. Looking at the door and realising that it was past the hour and none of his other classmates had entered the room. Apologising to Alec, he grabbed his bag and made his way towards the door. The stress from his past week had had him on edge, the lack of sleep catching up to him.

‘Wait! Magnus!’

Spinning around in confusion Magnus watched as Alec rubbed the back of his neck, gesturing with his free hand as he spoke. The man was honestly such an enigma, this shy demeanour one that Magnus would never imagine from someone as grounded as Alec seemed.

Magnus tightened his grid on the bag flung over his shoulder, waiting in anticipation for Alec to speak.

’If you want to, we could um, do a private lesson or something? I wouldn’t charge you of course….or we could do some work together?’

Watching the usually confident instructor stammer over his words made something warm bloom in Magnus’ chest. He found the man adorable, this was only making him feel even more drawn towards Alec. Alec was just one of those people you wanted to be around, not because they were loud and proud but rather because they were approachable and seemed so welcoming.

Magnus took a step closer to Alec, placing his bag down on the table as he answered, ’If you don’t mind? I don’t usually get this excited about things but I’ve had a tough week. I just need a moment to shut it all out.’ Rubbing his thumb and middle finger together, Magnus watched Alec for any sign irritation at his request.

With a deep frown on his face, Alec nodded before shifted away from him, retrieving the clay from the supplies room along with the other tools they would need. Magnus watched as his instructor kept glancing through the workroom window at him, a look of almost concern taking over his normally calm face.

A look that he was used to from his close friends but not someone has new to his life as Alec was. Not that him and Alec were friends or anything but the man had become a steady point of Magnus’ week. A fact that he was not ashamed to be excited about. Not that he would ever reveal this to anyone else. It wasn’t that eh was scared to speak up. He just didn’t want to deal with the disappointment of ‘steering away’ from a career that was meant to be ‘his life’. Or so his father would constantly remind him.

It didn’t take long before they were both beginning to get lost in their own creative landscape. Alec was such an attentive teacher in that he allowed his students the chance to figure out their own journey with their work, whilst being there to guide them on techniques along the way. 

Today was hardly the exception, placing the radio on quietly in the background, Alec began to show Magnus new ways of using instruments that he had never seen before. The way he created new shapes and details was just so intriguing to Magnus, he had never met someone with such a finesse in the way that they worked.

The comfortable almost silence between them was something Magnus hadn’t felt in a very long time. Normally he felt like he constantly had to prove himself around others, his deep fears of abandonment always rearing its ugly head. He was starting to question if the lack of that need was because of the class or the result of the man sitting across from him.

‘So how long have you been in Vancouver?’

Magnus glanced up, watching the effortless way that Alec worked with his tools, tongue sticking out at the corner of his mouth. It was honestly refreshing to watch someone be enthralled in their passions, it made Magnus feel as if maybe it was okay for him to get lost in too.

‘A couple of months now. You?’ Magnus responded, crossing his ankles under the table as he leant forward to begin smoothing the edges of his sculpture. 

Alec continued nodding to the music as he worked, not missing a beat as he answered.‘Around 5 years now. I moved here from San Fran to study architecture. I graduate in a few months.’ 

‘Post grad?’

‘Yeah.’

Their eyes caught as they glanced up, eyes locking in reassurance before both looking back down at their work as they continued to converse. There was something in Alec’s eye that Magnus couldn’t quite place. It made him feel exposed yet with no fear of being completely stark naked in front of this man. Almost as if rather than judging him, Alec was slowly coaxing him open, making him reveal parts of himself that he would normally hide.

Magnus exhaled slowly as he shifted his gaze back to along the edges of his work. He noticed the beautiful rustic pot that was taking shape in front of him. He had no idea where the inspiration came from but he suddenly decided he would love to bring flowers into his home. Maybe the colours would remind him of the ‘vibrant' life he had left behind and was trying to find here. Maybe it would just bring him some inspiration. This was his home now, he wanted to make sure he was comfortable.

Worrying his thumb against his lower lip, Magnus decided to bite the bullet before he changed his mind. Their conversation had been so easy and he was a bit frightened of taking it down a road he wasn’t sure he wanted to go.

‘Thank you for this. I didn’t realise how much I needed it.’

The soft and tender smile on Alec’s face was a warmth to Magnus’ heart. It was the way the other man’s simplest gestures were just so comforting to Magnus that had him feeling safe.

‘It’s no problem. I hope I’m not overstepping when I say I hope that everything is okay?’ Alec asked, waiting to catch Magnus’ gaze before smiling in acknowledgement.

Magnus nodded, the desire to spill all his secrets to Alec catching him off guard. It just felt right to open up to Alec, the moment had sweep him away making him not hesitate to speak. Clearing his throat he placed his carving tool down as he leant his elbows against the table.

‘It’s been a long time since I’ve done something like this. The corporate financial sector I work in, it doesn’t exactly allow me to be so……’

‘Free?’ Alec finished for him.

He watched as Alec slowly parted his lips, a curiosity in his eyes that Magnus hadn’t seen for as long as he could remember. 

Shrugging his shoulders innocently Magnus murmured, ‘I guess’, before bringing his hands to clasp together in his lap. Shifted his eyes, partly glazing over as he fixed his gaze on a point just behind Alec’s head. A sudden insecurity taking over him that he was used to hiding, but in this very moment he decided that he didn’t need to do that. He trusted Alec for some reason, it felt okay for him to be honest for once.

‘When I was 18 I wanted to be a painter. I worked extra hard and got excepted to UAL in London. I suppose it just wasn’t in my dad’s plan for me. He had been grooming me to take over the family business for a long time.’ Exhaling, Magnus paused, rubbing his thumbs together harshly. ‘I just wanted him to be proud of me.’

Looking down Magnus shook his head as he blinked away the wetness in his eyes. He chanced a glance at Alec, hoping that the other man hadn’t thought his admission to show his ‘weakness’. Vulnerability was something his father always told him would be his demise. The corporate world didn’t make provisions for people who were soft. He needed to be ‘a man’ and be tough if he wanted to be a CEO.

Something he clearly failed at.

It was all finely tailored suits and stiff personalities. There was no space for the Magnus who embraced his creative self. Who wore daring outfits and embraced every part of who he was becoming. The sense of adventure and freedom was something he had held onto for so long. Eventually though the pressure from his father became too much. That ‘free’ part of him had died a long time ago.

Shaking his head in disbelief, Alec shifted in his seat, the genuine openness and empathy in his face giving Magnus encouragement to continue.

‘I always felt so trapped in my life, I couldn’t figure out how to satisfy my father and be happy within myself. It’s part of the reason why I jumped at the chance to come here, I just needed to get away from him.’

Magnus felt as the tears started to spill over, he rubbed his eyes as he chuckled insecurely trying to cover up the vulnerable moment.

‘I’m sorry, I’m such a mess. You shouldn’t have to deal with this.’ 

Shaking his head vehemently, Alec did not hesitate to assure Magnus. ’No Magnus, it’s quite alright. I want people to feel comfortable here and I’m grateful that you felt safe sharing that with me. You should be proud of yourself. Family dramas really aren’t easy.’

The tone in Alec’s voice had Magnus studying his face curiously. It was as if he was reassuring him from a place of deep inner understanding. As comfortable as Magnus had just felt sharing a part of his story he didn’t want to push his instructor into speaking of his own life circumstances. Even though he secretly hoped that one day Alec would feel comfortable to do so too.

The emotionally driven moment was broken when Alec’s phone began to ring loudly on the table. Alec paused for a moment before sharing a lopsided tender smile with Magnus as he stepped away to retrieve his phone.

Magnus couldn’t believe what had just happened. Never in a thousand years would he believe that coming here would bring him to such a moment. A moment that he had always dreaded, a moment that he had done whatever he could to avoid. Speaking of his internal struggles was never easy but he honestly didn’t feel as ashamed as he usually did.

Alec truly was something else.

Noting the time, Magnus realised that they had been working for almost five hours. He felt the fatigue begin to settle in his muscles as the week of stressful work began to catch up on him. He heard his stomach rumble as Alec walked back into the classroom, a small chuckle escaping his mouth as he watched Magnus rub his stomach.

‘Hungry?’ Alec asked, a playful mirth in his tone.

Magnus grinned easily, moving to pack up his equipment and tidying the mess they had made.

‘More than, I could devour a three course meal right now. I didn’t realise we had been working for so long.’ Magnus groaned, eyes shining at Alec.

Shrugging his shoulders bashfully Alec hovered next to Magnus’ desk, biting the inside of his cheek before he spoke.’That’s the wonderful world of creative expression, when you really get engaged in it, it….it can take your breath away.’

The softness in Alec’s eyes didn’t go unnoticed by Magnus, the way the warmth in his cheeks shone in the light of the afternoon sun. It was moments like these that Magnus always took the time to dwell within. These rare moments of his life where everything felt calm and all he had to focus on was the unusual feeling of serenity within.

‘Yeah’ Magnus replied, mouth speaking before his brain had a chance to catch up ‘….must be something in the air.’ It felt so foreign for Magnus to speak in such whimsical ways. He had long adopted a staunch way of viewing life that saw things in a disciplined manner. It was the only way to understand his emotions and thoughts. A way to avoid the unmistakeable void he knew dwelled deep within him. One that he had long since given up trying to fill. 

In a way his way of living in the past seven years allowed him to avoid careless mistakes and always ensured greater success in the long run. It was easier for him to compartmentalise his life. That way if things did become unstable, he always had a plan on how to correct his course. Spontaneity and creativity had proven to once be his biggest downfall. He just could not risk being shaken the way he once had.

Somehow he felt like that was all changing.

Holding each others gaze for a moment, they both broke into a fit of giggles, the feeling of elation buzzing between them. He watched as Alec bit the corner of his lip, hesitating as he spoke in earnest.

‘I was thinking, there’s this great place I know of down the road that serves amazing burgers. If you want…we could go together?’

Magnus could almost coo at how much Alec continued to surprise him. He didn’t know how but the man seemed to make things seem so effortless. It was fascinating to Magnus how someone so low key and easygoing could bring such excitement to the seemingly mundane.

Without hesitating he nodded his head, breaking into a wide grin as he moved to grab his bag. There was a sense of unspoken excitement between them. Instructors didn’t usually hang out with their students outside of class did they? Or maybe Alec just took pity on him, he was one of the nicest people Magnus had met in a long time. 

It was nice though, for someone to want to spend time with him. Not just because of what he represented but rather for who he was.

Waiting for Alec to lock up he fiddled on his phone, texting Cat about his new weekend activities. She expressed her pride at him for taking chances in his new home, sending a litany of happy emojis to fill their message thread.

He obviously left out the part about Alec but felt like maybe one day it was something he could include. She expressed how happy she was for him that he was making new friends and finally doing what he loved. It didn’t go unnoticed to him the way his heart warmed when he thought of his new found joy. Who knew a bit of clay could create such a profound experience.

Being lost in his conversation with Cat, Magnus was startled as he felt a gentle hand brush his shoulder, looking up he smiled softly as Alec tilted his head towards the door. The gentleness on Alec’s face made him feel a lightness he hadn’t felt in many years. There was something so enigmatic about this man that he just couldn’t work out. It was all so new to him, an anomaly in his normally monotonous world. It scared him to allow people into his life but for some reason he trusted the beautiful instructor.

Holding Alec’s warm gaze as he turned to begin their departure, he didn’t miss the hand hovering over on his lower back as they both exited the room.


	2. Closer.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus + Alec =

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, it's me again. Sorry this took so long! Life got to me. Most of this is written now so hopefully I can wrap it up soon :) Thank you for reading :)

Before he knew it, Magnus’ apartment was covered in clay based ornaments all inscribed with a small ‘MB’ on the bottom. He loved to show off the fruits of his labour, the artworks that had become a steady commodity of his journey to find his spark for life again. They quickly became a reminder of the fresh start that coming to Vancouver had brought. The city and its inhabitants had begun to grow on him. He loved how polite the people were, how refreshing the air was, the beautiful view of the mountains from the Skytrain and how intimate downtown Vancouver felt. He was a world away from the city he had arrived in as a teenage and one which he had always considered his home. Now however, he was really beginning to reconsider the validity of that statement. 

Something was just different.

It had been many weeks since his accidental private lesson with Alec but the effects on their acquaintance had not gotten lost on Magnus.

He realised quite quickly that Alec had began to become more than just an instructor to Magnus. He had begun to consider Alec a friend, with the musings of becoming someone dear to his heart. It was the way the man was just always present in his daily life without being an inconvenience. 

He didn’t have to pretend to be someone he wasn’t around him, didn’t have to hide who he was in order to be accepted.

He’d be crazy not to admit that sometimes he craved Alec’s company.

After their impromptu late afternoon lunch they had swapped contact details, Alec promising to send Magnus photos of his cat, Church. 

Growing up Magnus had always wanted a cat but it was something his father would never allow. Not long after his mother had left he had begun to care for a stray kitten, a way for him to deal with the loss of someone so important to him. His mother had always protected him from his father’s wrath, but with her gone, now he was left to fend for himself. After his father had found out about his new pet, he had ordered his staff to ensure the disappearance of the poor kitten. It was a moment in his life he would never forget. The beginning of the end for the vibrant and free Magnus that he once fought so hard to be.

He often thought of Chairman Meow and the short time that they had spent in each other’s lives. The cat had unknowingly played an important role in Magnus’ subconscious yearning for a deeper connection with another. One that he felt slowly beginning to unknowingly be fulfilled. 

To say that he was excited was beyond describable. Today was the day that he would be meeting Church and for some reason he also felt nervous. It was also the first time that he would be in Alec’s space. Sitting on the same couch that Alec likes to relax, drinking from the same glasses that Alec once had his lips to. He didn’t think anything strange of these thoughts, it was normal to feel awkward the first time you went to someone’s apartment. 

The way that those beautiful eyes sparkled as Alec opened the door were enough to have Magnus’ nervousness settle to a peaceful hum. 

Much like his owner, Church had been a joy to be in the presence of. As soon as Magnus had sat down on the couch he had slowly made his way along the arm chair and began to rub his head against Magnus’ arm. Magnus could do nothing to resist his charms and had automatically began to stroke behind the ear of the ginger coloured cat. 

‘He likes you.’

Magnus startled as he noticed that Alec was standing in the doorway with two steaming mugs watching them intensely. He didn’t know how long he had been standing there but it felt strangely comforting to know that he was there. That this moment wasn’t contrived from his fantasy. That the scars left behind from the Chairman being ripped away from him could maybe start to be nurtured. 

With a shy smile Magnus gestured for Alec to sit down, ducking his head and focusing on Church to hide the subtle blush at being caught daydreaming. The gentle purr emanating from him was like a balm to Magnus’ heart. It felt so beautiful to have such an innocent being feel safe and content in his arms.

Looking up at Alec he noticed the content smile on his lips as he leant back against the cushions, tucking his bare foot under his leg. Seeing Alec this comfortable felt strangely intimate but in a way that felt like a private moment just for them. Being together in public without other people needing Alec’s attention was one thing. Having his sole focus as they discussed their favourite books and travel destinations, was another. Sitting here and watching the beautiful man let his guard down and relax in Magnus’ presence in such a peaceful way? It made Magnus feel blessed in a way he couldn’t remember ever feeling.

‘Magnus, relax. It’s okay.’

Something about the concerned frown on Alec’s face had Magnus realise how much of his inner turmoil must be reflected onto his face. It amazed him how in such a short time of knowing Alec, the man had so quickly been able to read him. Gesturing towards the coffee mug on the table, Alec took a sip of his own as he watched Magnus wriggle back into the couch.

Letting out a deep sigh, Magnus glanced down at Church as he curled up in his lap before he spoke, ‘Thank you for this’.

With a frown, Alec tilted his head as if to question Magnus’ gratitude and the tension surely visible in Magnus’ face.

Magnus hesitated, sighing as he spoke, ’I…this is just nice.’

‘Yeah, it is.’ Alec smiled warmly.

The tenderness in Alec’s tone had a subtle warmth blooming in Magnus’ chest. It was not secret that Alec’s gentle demeanour had an effect on him, any person who took a moment to just be in Alec’s presence could not deny the fact. Alec was just honestly such a caring person, anybody would be lucky to call him a friend or close acquaintance. 

The silence was comfortable. Usually Magnus would squirm in situations like this, always trying to fill in the awkward pauses and prove he was worthy of the people who surrounded him. It didn’t feel like that with Alec however, he felt like he could just relax and trust that Alec would take only as much as he would give.

Taking a sip of his coffee, Magnus moaned at the combination of flavours that mulled around in his mouth. 

Alec chuckled gently ‘You like it huh?’

Humming, Magnus licked his lips as he slowly fluttered his eyes open, marvelling at the endless brilliance of his friend.

‘Are you crazy?! This is the best thing since…since….’ Eyes alight with joy, Magnus wracked his brain for the best comparison to the deliciousness of the warm beverage before him.

‘TV Dinners?’

With a loud laugh, he gently slapped Alec’s bare foot, grinning at the obscurity of Alec’s humour. 

Magnus shook his head as he widened his eyes. ‘Waaaayyyy better. Who knew you were so skilled.’

‘Oh you don’t know the half of it.’

Leaning back slightly as he turned his head quickly, Magnus’ mouth fell open at the brazenness of Alec’s tone. He didn’t want to read into it too much but it almost felt like Alec was flirting with him?

He didn’t want to think too much into it though. He didn’t know what Alec was like with other people but he always thought he was a playfully sincere person. His warm hearted nature and frankly to die for physical characteristics would have anyone swooning.

Relaxing into the mirthful atmosphere, Magnus fired back, ‘Is that a challenge?’

Grinning Alec straightened on the spot. ‘It can be, if you want?’

The subtle nervousness in Alec’s tone was puzzling to Magnus but he brushed it aside in jest.

‘Okay, show me what you got then.’ Magnus raised a challenging eyebrow at Alec, smiling at Alec’s shocked face. He watched as Alec puffed out his chest a little, before squirting his eyes in question.

Alec dipped his head, voice lowering slightly, a smooth but husky cadence in his tone, ‘You sure you want to do this?’ 

The hyper focus of Alec’s mesmerising eyes had Magnus frozen momentarily. He felt like he was suspended in time, a subtle chill biting at his skin. This was new, this feeling of adventure and curiosity. There was more to this than he could quite comprehend but for once in his life he didn’t feel like he needed to overthink.

Chewing on his lip, Magnus nodded his head quickly, fingers rubbing together as Alec studied him slowly.

Alec clicked his tongue before standing up quickly, leaving the room only to return just as fast, hands gripping around a colourful box that he slid across the coffee table.

Magnus felt an endless giggle begin to leave his mouth as he watched Alec open the lid to his favourite game, ‘Operation’. The way that Alec kept surprising him with his quirky behaviours was beginning to carve away so effortlessly at the fears that Magnus had so fiercely encased around his heart as protection.

He just wanted to be free. Alec made him feel free.

Taking off his jacket, he settled on the floor before flexing his fingers. ‘Oh, you are so on.’

Alec laughed before settling down on the other side of the coffee table. ’You better bring it then, don’t think I will go easy on you because I like you.’

Magnus bit his lip at the openness in Alec’s admission as he shook his head merrily. Knowing that Alec felt some sort of connection to him had him beaming uncontrollably. The man had found a special place in Magnus’ heart, a place that no one had ever truly been able to occupy. The scars he hid behind seemed so insignificant and forgotten when he was with Alec, thinking about Alec, admiring Alec.

The question still remained: how did Alec manage to make him soften his usually impenetrable walls so quickly?

Holding Alec’s mirthful gaze, Magnus replied, ‘I’m definitely going to use that to my advantage now. I might just be your demise.’ Alec really didn’t know what he was in for, many people underestimated Magnus and regardless of his past he was not one to back down from a challenge.

With a flirtatious smirk Alec smiled brightly, nodding his head smugly. ‘Seems like I’ve met me match.’

Shrugging his shoulders innocently, Magnus replied, ‘Seems like you have.’

_____________________

It was so intriguing to him the way that Alec made him just forget. Forget about the loneliness he always ignored, forget about his father’s cruel ways, forget about all he had been through to become this person so conflicted by self preservation and authenticity. 

He just wanted to be free again, free to create and live a life that the desired. These past months had given him a chance at the glimpse of the life he always craved. He didn’t quite know what it was meant to look like but it was a feeling that he only knew in this moment. A feeling of excitement for tomorrow, a joy for the unknown, a curiosity for the future. Even though he hadn’t moved much in other areas of his life he knew that something within him was shifting. He wanted to take risks and now see where they would lead him. He wanted to truly break free and become unhinged from his father’s control. He knew that eventually it would mean leaving the company and finding a career that spoke to the truth of who he was. For now though, he was happy to just have the opportunity to explore his options.

Since meeting Alec he had begun to open up to him in ways that felt so foreign to him. It wasn’t some massive outburst of emotion or daring leaps of faith. To most it would probably feel like a normal occurrence between two people but to Magnus, it was all so unfamiliar. He was not accustomed to be acquainting with people who knew nothing about him. People who would take him as he was in this very moment and would accept the version of himself that he was presenting. Alec was just like that though, he didn’t hold anything over your head and belittle you when you made a mistake.

Their lives had begun to just flow so easily around each other.

It was the way that Alec would share random art facts during class, almost like their own private mini lesson or the way he would stay behind to allow Magnus to finish his ceramics long after class had finished. The result had meant that they had spent many Saturdays discussing all kinds of topics over lunch, they never ever got bored or stopped finding things to converse over.

He loved how Alec was always so spontaneous, taking him on ‘friend dates’ on a whim. Telling Magnus that ‘curiosity is the most beautiful kind of evolution’ as they sipped wine and painted swirling colours. Those colours had led him to begin experimenting in his own wardrobe, trying on silk shirts and perfectly tailored pants, golden necklaces and chunky rings. It was a far cry from his persona in the corporate world but a part of him that he was beginning to enjoy discovering.

His greatest revelation came when Alec had taken him to Sephora to try out all the beautiful palettes and show him that he was just as much a blank canvas. It brought a tear to his eyes to have someone in his life so invested in allowing him to explore a world that he had long since abandoned. Alec’s eye’s sparkled just as brightly with the kiss that Magnus placed on his cheek.

Make up was once one of his favourite past times, the videos he would learn from online, the sharp winged eye linger and daring blushes. A touch of something shimmery to remind people of who he was.

He can still remember when he forgot.

Still, this new chapter was making him feel more than free. He couldn’t deny the way his appreciation for Alec had turned into this constant warmth within the veins of his steadily beating heart. 

They had become what Magnus would consider to be extremely close friends. There was no denying just how much Magnus cherished and needed Alec’s friendship and support. The man was honestly one of a kind, a precious gem that Magnus never wanted to lose. He knew he would never allow anyone to take Alec away from him.

He adored Alec and he wasn’t sure that his new life could ever exist without him.

____________

Magnus had decided that it was time to up the ante and jump fully into the world of clay modelling. It was with great glee to Alec to know that his friend was jumping into a world that he had such a passion for. Magnus just loved to watch Alec in class engaging in his passion for teaching others. It was only a window into the life of the enigmatic man but one that Magnus was beyond grateful to be privy to.

They had turned a random Sunday afternoon into another one of their lazy hangouts, this time though Alec had suggested he show Magnus his workshop. It was amazing to see the beautiful pieces of work that Alec had created, bowls and vases, ornaments and pots. All smooth edges and clean lines, an epitome of Alec’s composed yet enduring personality. 

It was something so special for him to be in Alec’s personal space, a place where he had expressed no one was allowed, even his own sister. It brought a pleasant warmth to Magnus’ chest, to know that he held such a unique place in Alec’s life. It was part of the reason he felt such an ease to be spontaneous and try new things that Alec had suggested.

Magnus watched as Alec moved effortlessly around his work room, grabbing a block of fresh clay and all the tools needed for their afternoon foray. Alec had expressed how excited he was to show Magnus the art of wheel throwing. 

To say Magnus wasn’t intrigued is an understatement. Anything Alec suggested seemed to spark his interest. There was nothing that he didn’t love to do or try to do with him.

Alec settled before him, a stable confidence that Magnus loved to see shining from him. ‘You ready to get messy?’

Magnus smiled eagerly at Alec, watching Alec as he began to slowly knead and massage the clay. Those soft yet firm hands worked like magic, it was truly so engaging to watch. Alec was such a skilled artist, half of his work was in watching him mould something out of virtually nothing.

Sitting in front of the wheel Magnus adjusted the baggy tracksuit pants that Alec had given him. He was much leaner than Alec, hardly filling out the loose hoodie he was wearing. Magnus had joked that maybe he should just go topless, it would be much easier to clean up at the end. He can still remember the way Alec had stared so intensely at him, eyes shining with a hint of heat that had caused a shiver to travel down Magnus’ spine. 

He was over time becoming more comfortable under Alec’s heated gaze, a ferocity that was so well tamed within but could not be shielded by his eyes. Magnus was constantly enraptured by the depth of his gaze, by how penetrating it could be but how it carried an undeniable softness. His eyes spoke sonnets of lives once lived and stories barely forgotten. Magnus knew there was so much more to Alec that he had yet to see. He hoped that one day Alec would feel comfortable enough to share his story with him.

With the softened clay on the wheel, Alec sat across from him as he gestured for Magnus to place his hands on top. The coolness of the clay seeped through his fingertips, grounding him like a balm to heated skin.

They had briefly watched a few videos online before entering the workroom, Alec taking the time to explain the fundamentals of using the wheel. He knew that he had to be firm but gentle with his hands, working in balanced partnership with the clay to bring about its eventual shape.

Noticing the slight tension in Magnus’ shoulder, Alec placed his hands on top of Magnus’, stroking his thumb gently over his knuckles. ‘Hey, relax, I’m here with you. You’re not alone.’

Exhaling the breath that he didn’t know he was holding, Magnus glanced up at the sincerity in Alec’s eyes. ‘Sorry,’ He chuckled, glancing away. ‘I just don’t want to make a mess.’

Dipping his head to catch Magnus’ gaze, Alec shifted his hand to grab Magnus’ wrist. His wet hands gliding along the bare skin he stroked. It was something about Alec’s touch that had Magnus relaxing so quickly. Usually he shied away from the intimacy of allowing another to comfort him. His father always said it made him weak, so easy to manipulate, so emotional.

Alec licked his lips before deciding to speak, ‘Would it help if I did most of the shaping and you can jump in when you feel ready?’

With a timid nod, Magnus shifted in his seat as Alec came to sit next to him. His old childhood fears of being scolded for making a mess with his art, making him feel cautious. He didn’t want Alec to be upset with him but a part of him also knew that Alec would guide him through.

Magnus watched as Alec wet his hands, pressing down firmly on the clay as he began to glide his thumbs around the outer edges of the clay. He chuckled quietly to himself at the intense concentration on Alec’s face, how adorable he looked as the corner of his tongue poked out from his mouth.

Alec noticed his mirthful expression and grinned, he gestured with his head for Magnus to lean in closer.

‘Do you want to try?’ Alec asked slowly, not missing a beat as he continued his handiwork.

Seeing the ease with which Alec shaped the clay Magnus put his apprehension aside and placed his hands on top of Alec’s, shivering slightly at the sliminess of the moistened clay.

Alec snickered at the disgust in Magnus’ face, maintaining a steady flow as Magnus allowed his fingers to feel the momentum beneath his hands. Watching Alec work was one thing, but feeling the way his hands moved with something else. He was like the most beautiful of ballerinas, soft and gentle but with a strength that was unmatched. Moving at a beautiful tempo with the music, all long lines and smooth transitions. This man was truly a work of art in himself.

Mesmerised by the shape that the clay was taking, Magnus startled as suddenly the smooth edges of what was becoming a small bowl began to collapse. He laughed openly as he watched the comical horror on Alec’s face. The way he squinted his eyes at Magnus in playful animosity.

For some reason Magnus couldn’t stop giggling, the way the clay had spun and the wet earth had sprayed onto them. Smalls pieces of clay sprinkled over Alec’s face as he pouted at Magnus’ reaction.

‘You did that on purpose!’ Alec retorted in mock offence.

Magnus put his hand to his mouth to cover the laugh that he was trying so hard to keep at bay. He felt the residue of the wet clay mark his cheeks, simply uncaring for the mess he was making for the pure outrage on Alec’s face.

‘Your face!’ Leaning back, Magnus continued to giggle as Alec crossed his arms lightly and stared at him. Before long, Alec had dropped his charade and was laughing along with Magnus. Their shared animated laughter bouncing easily off the walls of the workroom and surrounding them without reservation.

Magnus loved how easily they fell into these playful moments, how over time he had allowed himself to be silly with Alec and let go of the fear of being judged for his uncanny humour. It was was when he felt his most authentic, here with Alec just being free.

Wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand, being careful not to smudge his eyeliner, Magnus’ attempted to catch his breath. Their laughter died out steadily, only the sound of their breathing being heard as their eyes settled onto each other. Magnus smiled softly at the way Alec’s shining eyes were watching him. The silence between them was filled a sense of childlike wonder and complete peace.

Alec shook his head playfully before beginning to reform the fragments of misshapen clay. Magnus watched as he frowned slightly, clearing his throat before something shifted in his eyes. It took a couple of seconds, the weight heavy in his pause before Alec glanced up at Magnus, a steady resolve in his gaze.

‘Would you…-ah…would you be comfortable if I sat behind you?….. Just to guide you! I promise. ’ Alec’s eyes shifted apprehensively.

He had no idea why Alec seemed so nervous all of a sudden, they had long gone beyond feeling uncomfortable in each other’s presence. Alec was one of the few people he felt like he could truly relax around, put his worries to the side for a moment and just be. He blinked slowly at the sudden change in atmosphere, confusion taking over his face.

‘Yes, of course. I trust you Alec.’ Magnus replied, not a hint of doubt or worry in his tone.

Alec’s gaze locked on him, a small bashful smile forming on his lips. He moved slowly to sit behind Magnus, legs straddled on either sides of Magnus’ hips as he dipped his head to hover over Magnus’ shoulder.

‘This okay?’

Magnus closed his eyes, breathing in the moment as he felt Alec’s breath coming out in tuffs against his cheek. He unconsciously leant back into the warmth of Alec’s chest on his back, skin erupting in goosebumps as Alec’s arms encased his body.

He felt so….safe. It was like a cocoon of warmth that had you relaxing instantly and putting your complete faith and trust in to protect you.

That was Alec, that was how he felt about Alec.

Shifting his head slightly his eyes locked onto Alec’s, the wonder in Alec’s eyes mesmerising him for a moment. He won’t deny that Alec’s eyes are one of his favourite parts of Alec’s body. The deep swirling hazel tinted glow that was constantly beaming at Magnus, a gentleness radiating from beneath long eyelashes. The beauty was something unmatched, he didn’t quite have the words to describe his magnificence.

After what felt like an eternity, Alec shifted his gaze to the wheel, slowly grabbing Magnus’ hands and placing them on top of the ball. He sprinkled some water over his fingers as the wheel began to spin. Magnus’ breath caught in his throat as he felt the full weight of Alec pushing against him, his hands shifting and gliding over his own as they both began to reshape their bowl.

He could feel his heart beating wildly beneath his chest as he felt Alec’s ear graze along his cheek. Strong forearms intertwined flowing together as they shifted across his own. It felt like a dance that he could not deny they had been engaged in for many months. A dance of familiarity and comfort, of complete trust and ease. He didn’t quite know where his body began and Alec’s ended, they felt like one being in that moment, flowing seamlessly through space into oblivion. 

Magnus didn’t realise when he had closed his eyes but when he opened them a small bowl was now resting in stillness on the wheel. Alec’s hands had now come to intertwine with his own, the wet clay beginning to harden between the fingers. He could feel Alec’s forehead resting against his back, the steady weight grounding itself into his skin.

He could still feel the deep musky undertones of Alec’s scent lingering around him, engaging his every sense. With every breathe he was surrounded by Alec,

He couldn’t deny that something had shifted between them. He had never felt so raw yet so safe in his entire life. Having Alec so intimately wrapped around him made him want to curl up in a ball like a cat and purr unabashedly. In this moment he could not think of anywhere in the world he would rather be.

Clearing his throat he felt Alec begin to shift behind him, slowly releasing his fingers as he stood up. Magnus turned his head and watched Alec as he caught his breath. The steady rise and fall of his chest. Words unable to describe the tenderness of the moment they had just shared.

Gesturing with his hands Alec began to ramble. ‘We should…it’s..do you- I..…’

Magnus nodded in contemplation, not wanting to break the vulnerable moment between them. It had been such a long time since he had desired to be with someone in this way. He just wanted to feel this non-physical closeness and undeniable platonic intimacy, even just for a moment.

They made their way out of the workroom and into the bathroom, where they took turns getting cleaned up. They made small talk, neither feeling the need to say much before Magnus excused himself to change back into his clothes. He didn’t miss the small pout on Alec’s face when he did, revelling in the way that Alec’s eyes slyly mapped his body when he thought Magnus wasn’t looking.

It felt nice to be appreciated and admired. To be seen for who he was and not for what he could do. Alec always made him feel so special.

The afternoon came to a slow close after they had eaten some leftover lasagna that Magnus had made for Alec. Sharing small smiles and anecdotes as they rambled over everything and nothing. Quiet whispers weaving their ways through the rays of the settling sunlight.

The intensity of the hug that Alec had given him at the door had had Magnus melting internally. He could still feel the warmth of Alec’s lips against his cheek, the soft veins of his skin imprinted into his face.

They were both walking into uncharted territory in their friendship and Magnus couldn’t deny that he was strangely excited. This was what Alec did to him, made him want to throw caution to the wind and just dive right in.

He’d never felt this kind of intimacy before. Never felt so sure about someone. He didn’t know what it meant or what it would become but he was sure that with Alec he never had to be scared again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. I hope you are enjoying this fic. Please leave any comments, kudos or let me know if there's anything you would like to see :) Tags will be updated as the story continues!
> 
> I want to start doing some one shots so suggestions are much appreciated!


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